I'll Back You Up
by Arica Lynn
Summary: do what you will. always walk where you like your steps. do as you please, i will back you up.
1. Perfect

I'll Back You Up  
  
Category: Everyone  
  
Rating: P.G. 13  
  
Author's Note: I started this a very long time ago and what I've posted is what I have but I have a clear ending thought out in my head so if there is enough interest I will continue so, yanno, fell free to reply if you're enjoying what you're reading.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not my own, they are borrowed from the creators of Higher Ground. The plot, and some of the character history on the other hand, are a part of my creation, and the character of Tess Becker is all mine. I also in no shape or form can take credit for the wonderful quotes, which have provided me with inspiration for my words, however, my choice in words is completely original. Please bear with me for I have aged the characters just a bit so that they are eighteen instead of sixteen as the show has them appear to be. I've also created/recreated some history so that it fits my liking a little more. This story takes place only a few short months after the season (series) finale has ended. In other words I wrote this like a million years ago and am just now getting around to finishing it. Read, reply, enjoy... yanno all that good stuff. Now on with the story...  
  
I'll Back You Up  
  
Do what you will. Always walk where you like your steps. Do as you please I will back you up. Dave Matthews  
  
Chapter One- Perfect  
  
Right now she's perfect. And to her, maybe you're perfect too. And maybe you don't want to ruin that. Well I think that's a great philosophy... That way you go through your entire life, Without ever really knowing anybody. "Good Will Hunting"  
  
"Hi..." Daisy said uncharacteristically sweetly as she walked slowly around the bench to take a seat next to Shelby.  
  
"Hey," Shelby responded only half-acknowledging Daisy's presence.  
  
"Still waiting for prince charming?" Daisy asked sarcastically. Shelby turned her head and rolled her eyes before returning her gaze back to daydreaming and the boring wooden fence just a few feet in front of them. "Just thought you'd like some company," Daisy added moving around in her spot to make herself a little more comfortable. Shelby nodded and for quiet a while, neither girl said anything to the other, they just waited silently, both staring out into the horizon.  
  
"Happy Birthday Dais..." Shelby finally announced quietly, breaking the silence.  
  
"Thanks Shell."  
  
Shelby turned to Daisy and smiled.  
  
"Feeling any different?" Shelby asked before staring off into space again.  
  
"Nope." Daisy replied shaking her head. "Just another day..." Daisy added sighing. She hated her birthday; it always brought back so many bad memories, her father, the "incident" her mother's accident... all of these events had happened around the time of her birthday.  
  
"He didn't say what time he was coming back?" Daisy asked turning to face Shelby, desperate to change the subject. Shelby shook her head. "I was just wondering if you wanted some company?" Daisy asked, trying to sound supportive.  
  
"You're more then welcomed to stay," Shelby replied flatly.  
  
"Actually," Daisy declared standing up, "I kinda have something I want to take care of. You gonna be okay out here alone?" Daisy asked again. Shelby turned to her.  
  
"I'll be fine."  
  
"I'll come back later... if you want?"  
  
"Whatever," Shelby answered shrugging. Daisy nodded and then left, heading off towards the main trail, in search of some time alone. Some time to reflect, and some time to figure out a way to make a difference in the day she dreaded so often.  
  
Shelby sat alone for a long time, just her, her thoughts, and her daydreams as she watched the time tick away.  
  
  
  
We come to love Not by finding a perfect person, But by learning how To see an imperfect person, Perfectly. Unknown  
  
Scott stopped in his tracks when he saw her. It had only been two weeks but it had seemed like an eternity. Over and over again, while he had been home, his mind flew back to a night when Shelby had told him about the way he made her feel, a way no one else could. And as he sat home without her, he realized that she had an affect on him too. Little things, the way she smelled, the twinkle in her eyes when she smiled at him, the feeling of her hair pressed to his cheek, that was what he missed the most. Now, seeing her again for the first time since his recent realization, he felt different, a good different, a feeling that he knew he wanted to share with her as soon as possible. Something beyond the love they had confessed to each other, more of a need, a want, to be with her, perhaps for the rest of his life.  
  
It must have been fate that she would choose to turn around at the exact moment he smiled at the thought of her. When she saw him finally, the first time in two weeks, her heart melted. She fought every urge in her body to just run to him and kiss him, but that wasn't her, at least not the girl she was known to be. And even though he had seen her at her worst, there were still things about her that he wasn't aware of, things that, for the first time in a long time, she was willing to talk about, to even show him.  
  
She turned further to face him, her body pressed up against the back of the bench as he walked briskly towards her. When he got to the bench he stopped, bent down and kissed her softly on the forehead, his favorite spot. Shelby felt a tingle run through her body. He was back, they were together, she had a reason to smile, and at least for now, everything was perfect.  
  
Finding a reason to smile had always been hard, but when he was gone it had been harder. Daisy had told her, once in the two weeks prior, that she was stepping on Daisy's "misery chick" turf. Shelby brushed it off as a joke but the truth was when he wasn't around, she felt the need to be bitter towards everyone, particularly Juliette. Not that Juliette really deserved it, maybe once or twice, but that was long ago. As hard as Shelby tried she just couldn't stand to be nice to the girl. Maybe she was an easy target or maybe it was just the reality that Shelby saw more then some of herself in Juliette. Perhaps, had she been on the outside, Shelby wouldn't have liked herself either. But someone liked her. He liked her, and the way she felt when he was around, it was worth hating everyone for the rest of her life, anything to be near him again. No one had had this kind of power over her before, it was strange, But not in a bad way.  
  
When Scott did finally pull back to see her smiling his heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Hi." Shelby beamed softly as he rounded the bench to sit next to her.  
  
"Hey," Scott replied smiling back. "Yanno, I've been looking for you for an hour. Then I ran into Daisy and she said she was sitting with you here and then I realized... this is where I should have come from the start..."  
  
"Our bench," Shelby said nodding.  
  
"And our fence," Scott added pointing to the right of them. Their first "official" kiss had been by the side of the infamous Horizon fence and their "break-up" when he almost left Horizon for good, occurred on the exact bench where they now sat.  
  
"How was home?" Shelby asked snuggling up to him and resting her head on his shoulder. Scott sighed, he didn't exactly know how he was going to answer this one. He took a deep breath and opted for the honest to god truth.  
  
"I moved out."  
  
"What?" Shelby asked as she sat up and stared at him in shock.  
  
"I packed up everything that meant anything to me and that was it. I'm not going back. I'm eighteen now, I can do whatever I want. Right now I want to be here but when I'm ready to leave I'm definitely not going to go back to that house."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"We got into a fight again. I just don't understand how my father could want me back so bad, say that he KNOWS me, and then start making accusations over, and over again. He still doesn't believe me yanno?"  
  
"But I thought..."  
  
"No, it was all a lie, ever since I came back the night of the MORP. I didn't tell you because... well I didn't want you to worry I guess."  
  
Shelby looked up at him in half amazement, half disappointment.  
  
"I came back because I love you and that's all that I wanted it to be about," Scott added then turned away. "I didn't want to bring up my father. When he came up and said he wanted to try to work things out, take me home for at least a few weeks, I thought he was finally okay," Scott turned back to Shelby with a glimmer of a tear in his eyes. "I should have known."  
  
"What are you going to do now?" Shelby asked sympathetically.  
  
"Well he says he'll still pay for Horizon... he still wants me to get better yanno? He thinks that me moving out isn't really what it is. He thinks that I'll come back, that I just need time. He thinks that somehow, while I'm here, something or someone will convince me that I need him," Scott closed his eyes. "I don't need him Shelby, I don't, I just... look can we not talk about this? The whole time I was home I couldn't wait to be back with you again and here I am loading all of my bullshit out on you... you shouldn't have to deal with this stuff."  
  
"But I want to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it's a part of you and if it's a part of you, then I want it to be a part of me too. Plus, you need to talk to someone, to vent, and that someone should be me," Shelby paused. "I guess what I am trying to say is that I want it to be me... you know that right?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Good."  
  
"So..." Scott said smiling and abruptly changing the subject. "Did you miss me?"  
  
Shelby's face lit up.  
  
"Do you even have to ask?"  
  
"I was so miserable at home," Scott sighed as he wrapped his arms around her. "I hated it. My father... all we did was fight... I spent every night thinking about you. But enough about that, what did you do while I was gone?"  
  
"I moped," Shelby replied laughing a little. "And I was mean to Juliette, nothing unusual really," she added trying to brush it off.  
  
Scott laughed.  
  
"We really have to work on that Juliette thing yanno?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because she's my friend."  
  
"Still not over your first Horizon flame?" Shelby sighed with a hint of jealousy.  
  
"That's not true Shelby and you know it."  
  
"And how do I know?"  
  
"Because... well because I wouldn't go up to her and do this..." Scott leaned over and planted a long, hard kiss on Shelby's lips. Shelby pulled back smiling.  
  
"Ok, you've convinced me," Shelby added giggling. Scott just continued to stare her down, smiling.  
  
"What?" Shelby asked shrugging as she squinted her eyes at Scott quizzically.  
  
"You're beautiful."  
  
"Scott!"  
  
"No I'm serious."  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"Come on Shelby, you are."  
  
Shelby turned away and Scott continued.  
  
"I know there are times when you don't feel beautiful but to me you're perfect. And I know what you're gonna say, you're gonna tell me what happened to you in the past ruined you and took away your beauty but that's not true. You're beautiful to me, and that's all that matters."  
  
Shelby turned back to him with tears glistening in her eyes.  
  
"Thank you," She whispered reaching up to place her hand on the side of his cheek. "You are my perfect," she added before kissing him softly on the lips. The kiss grew deeper and was interrupted all too soon by the sound of a female clearing her throat.  
  
"We're gonna be late for dinner," Daisy announced as soon as Shelby's lips left Scott's. The Cliffhangers had all been eating dinner together at a specific time regularly ever since the week after the morp. For some certain reason no one could quite explain, that night was magical for all of them. Shelby looked over at Daisy and rolled her eyes.  
  
"Thanks mom," Shelby moaned.  
  
"Don't mention it," Daisy added giggling. For some reason seeing the two of them so in love made her soft.  
  
"She's right yanno?" Scott said standing up and extending his hand to Shelby.  
  
"Yeah I know." Shelby replied sighing as she stood up with him.  
  
"Come on," he said taking her hand. "Let's go."  
  
  
  
Do not wish To be anything but Who you are, And try to be that Perfectly. St. Francis DeSales  
  
"Well hello there gorgeous!" Ezra beamed at Juliette as he sat to join her at their table for dinner.  
  
"Hey Ezra!" Juliette beamed back in her usually perky manner. "Where's everyone else?" she asked looking around.  
  
"Well Auggie's in line over there," he said pointing to his right. "And as for Daisy and the two love birds I have no idea."  
  
"That's right, Scott comes back today."  
  
Ezra nodded.  
  
"So what did ya do special for Daisy's birthday?" she asked leaning in towards Ezra and speaking in hushed tones.  
  
"Who said I did anything special at all?" Ezra said trying not to look suspicious.  
  
"Oh come on, you're not fooling me!" Juliette giggled, leaning closer.  
  
"Alright, alright, you've caught me," Ezra laughed adding to Juliette's giggles. "Tonight, I plan on whisking her away to the top of the mountain, with permission from Peter of course, to build a fire and watch shooting stars."  
  
"Oh how romantic!" Juliette gushed.  
  
"Yeah, if only Daisy felt that way too," Ezra added sighing.  
  
"Oh come on, don't tell me you've give up on her already?"  
  
"I'm pretty close."  
  
"OH you can't be! Come on, maybe you've just got to try a little harder."  
  
"Jules, I've been trying for almost a year now."  
  
"Maybe she just needs some time."  
  
"A YEAR!"  
  
"Alright, alright, I get your point just... I think deep down inside she feels the same way you do, she's just scared of losing you as a friend that's all."  
  
"She's not gonna lose me."  
  
"I know but that's not how she sees it."  
  
"I know."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Because she's told me."  
  
"What do you mean she's told you?"  
  
"Well, not in so many words but, it's pretty obvious that all she wants is friendship, I mean we've discussed our pasts, that both of us are doomed and she doesn't want to deal with another tortured soul when she has her own to deal with. That's why we must remain just friends."  
  
"It's not that friendship is all that she wants, it's that that's all she knows. Just prove to her that you can be her friend and love her in a completely non-platonic way at the same time. She's gotta believe someday that two tortured souls like you guys can help each other. She's gotta know by now how much you just completely adore her. Please just come out and tell her straight forward... for me," Juliette added smiling innocently.  
  
"I will... if you promise to do something for me."  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Finish your dinner tonight."  
  
"Ezra!"  
  
"I mean it. Come on now, you're getting all bony again."  
  
"Auggie said the same thing to me at Lunch."  
  
"See I'm not the only one.  
  
"Alright! I'll try."  
  
"That's all I ask."  
  
"So did we miss the party?" Daisy asked abruptly interrupting Ezra and Juliette and she, Auggie, Scott, and Shelby joined the table.  
  
"It's just getting started." Ezra replied smiling as he spotted Peter in the corner of his eye.  
  
"Would some get the lights?" Peter shouted amongst the crowd as he swiftly walked towards Daisy, cake in hand. The lights went out and soon Daisy's face lit up, literally, as she sat staring at a cake full of candles. "On three. One, two, three."  
  
The whole crowd started singing.  
  
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Daisy, happy birthday to you."  
  
Daisy looked up at Peter then around at the rest of the crew and rolled her eyes before blowing out the candles.  
  
"Happy birthday to me..." She whispered reluctantly before sinking slowly into her chair wishing the day had never come. 


	2. Broken

Chapter Two- Broken  
  
And the stars just sit there And glimmer like they don't notice How we're dying inside. And the rain still pours And mocks us in our deaths. And the world goes on When all the hearts are broken. Unknown  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
"Where the HELL do you think you're going?" Mr. Lipenowski, Daisy's father shouted as she opened the door to leave the house.  
  
"Out," She replied keeping her answer discrete.  
  
"Says who?" he asked narrowing his eyes at her in anger.  
  
"My friends." Daisy answered simply. She wasn't about to give him any details concerning her night. The truth was she was going out to a wild party with some guys. Her intent was to get as drunk and/or high as possible and do things she would regret in the morning. This was her wish, it was after all HER birthday.  
  
"You're not going anywhere," he said approaching her quickly and slamming the door in her face before she got a chance to sneak out.  
  
"WHY NOT!" Daisy screamed back at him with just as much rage.  
  
"Because I am your father and I said so now get out of this hallway and back into this house this instant!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the room.  
  
"Now you listen to me little girl. Your mother has baked a cake for you and you're going to eat it NOW!" he threw her onto the couch and stormed into the kitchen. When he returned Daisy's mother was right in front of him stumbling slightly from her over consumption of alcohol as she carried a cake into the room. Daisy fought with all her might to try not to let the angry tears fall from her eyes.  
  
"Happy birthday baby," Daisy's mother slurred as she set the cake down onto the table. In one swift movement while trying to push the cake towards Daisy, her mother stumbled towards Daisy's father. His immediate reaction was to throw her up against the wall.  
  
"What do you think you're doing WOMAN!" he spit at her as she sank to the floor. "GET UP!" he shouted kicking her. "I SAID GET UP!"  
  
Daisy's mother stumbled to get up but fell once again as her drunkenness over came her. Daisy closed her eyes as her fathers voice filled her ears, until the screaming of her mother became so loud that she couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed the cake, threw it at him and bolted towards the door. She ran with all her might down the street until she reached the small cemetery down the road where she hid behind some tombstones. She remembered hearing her father calling out her name but she didn't answer. She opted instead to spend the night with the dead, people who couldn't hurt her. What she wouldn't give to be like the people below her, a member of the unliving...  
  
  
  
Crazy isn't broken, It's just you... Or me... Amplified. "Girl Interrupted"  
  
"Daisy!" Scott called out when he spotted the back of her as she sat cross- legged on the large rock in front of the pond. When she didn't respond he picked up his pace, almost jogging to her side, continuously calling out her name. "Daisy?" he stopped directly in front of her, peering down. "Hello!" he said waving his hand in front of her face. "Earth to Daisy."  
  
This time she gave a response. She shook her head, closed her eyes and then opened them, returning to the world of now.  
  
"You ok?" Scott asked as he sat down next to her.  
  
"Yeah... well no, not really."  
  
"You wanna... never mind."  
  
"No," Daisy said turning towards to him. "Finish your sentence, what were you going to say?"  
  
"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to talk about it but, never mind, you don't have to talk about anything to me," with that Scott stood up and began walking away.  
  
"Scott wait!" Daisy shouted standing up. Scott stopped dead in his tracks and turned towards her.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Remember when Shelby left?"  
  
Scott nodded and he made a move back towards her.  
  
"Remember how you went nuts, destroying everything in our room."  
  
Scott nodded again, moving closer.  
  
"We talked that night. Do you remember that?" Daisy asked taking a step in his direction.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, yeah, I wanna talk about it. I think I should talk about it," Daisy sat back down and waited patiently for Scott to join her. When he did, she began speaking. "Do you think I'm crazy?" She asked turning towards him. Before he even got a chance to answer she was already speaking again. "I mean, I tried to kill my father. Do you think I'm screwed up because of that?"  
  
"Well..." Scott began contemplating his answer. "When I first got here, and I met you, yeah I thought you were nuts, but..."  
  
"Great."  
  
"I'm not finished... BUT, now that I know more about you and even more about myself, I think I have a little more of an understanding as to why you did what you did."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well I can't honestly say that in your case I wouldn't have done the same thing. We all know that I can get quite aggressive at times."  
  
"You do have a point. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is... well what's wrong with me? Why didn't I just begin abusing myself like Juliette? How come I didn't run away like Shelby did? Why did I go at him when I could have done something more destructive to myself, or better yet why didn't I do something productive. Why didn't I just repot him?"  
  
"For the same reasons Juliette likes to throw up her food and Shelby..." Scott's voice trailed off for a second as the intensity of the subject and the total awareness he had gained of Shelby's situation swept over him. He cleared his throat and continued. "For the same reason Shelby didn't just tell her mother, instead she walked out and never tried to go back..." Scott's voice failed him again. He couldn't talk any more about Shelby's situation without it tearing him apart inside. "You found your own way out," he added, his voice solemn with a definite tone of emptiness. "It was your way, as different as it may seem, you're just like the rest of us, we all have our own way of dealing with things. Some are more similar then others while some just handle things totally differently."  
  
Daisy buried her head in her hands and stayed that way for a moment. The thoughts in her mind just swirled around in all different directions, not a one touching base with another. For some reason though, Scott's words, his minute sense of hope was guiding her from complete and total insanity on the subject. When she felt Scott's hand on her back, a signal of his support, she looked up at him.  
  
"My mother died around this time of the year..." She began closing her eyes for a moment. "Do you remember that?"  
  
Scott nodded.  
  
"I miss her, yanno?" Daisy took a deep breath. "I hate my birthday. Every year I go through the motions, expecting the next catastrophe to just arise at any moment."  
  
"It's not gonna happen this year."  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"I don't, I just have faith I guess."  
  
Daisy shook her head, mocking his confidence.  
  
"When did you become so positive?" she asked laughing bitterly.  
  
"I guess when I found something to feel positive about."  
  
"You're making me sick."  
  
Scott laughed.  
  
"Glad to be of service," he said with a smile.  
  
"There you two are!" Shelby said sneaking up behind them and draping her arms over Scott's shoulders.  
  
"We've been looking everywhere," Ezra added rounding the rock to stand in front of them.  
  
"Well here we are," Daisy said signaling to her surroundings.  
  
"Hey Scott," Shelby began, standing up. "What do you say we go take a walk?" She added with a wink. Scott looked up at her suspiciously for a moment but when he saw Shelby twitch her head in Ezra's direction signaling something, he had no idea what, he was happy to oblige.  
  
"Sure," he said attempting to sound as positive about his decision as possible.  
  
"Come on," Shelby said grabbing his hand and pulling him up.  
  
"You gonna be ok Dais?" Scott asked turning back to his newfound confidant on the rock.  
  
"Sure," she said with an unconvincing smile. "I've got my friend Ezra with me," she added smiling at her curly haired admirer. "I'm in good hands."  
  
Scott smiled.  
  
"Whatever you say," he nodded to Ezra then turned back to Shelby and the two made their decent back towards the main lodge.  
  
"What was that all about?" he asked Shelby when they were out of Ezra and Daisy's ear shot.  
  
"Ezra has birthday plans for Daisy," Shelby replied smiling.  
  
"OH!" Scott said laughing as he put the pieces of the puzzle together. He looked back at the two on the rock then turned back to Shelby, shaking his head.  
  
"What?" she asked confused.  
  
"He'll give her a happy birthday," he stated confidently.  
  
"Let's hope so," Shelby said with a sigh. "SO what were you doing out here anyway?" she asked stopping and turning to face him.  
  
"Nothing really," he said pulling her further. "Just convincing Daisy that she's not broken."  
  
I'm broken in two  
  
And I know  
  
You're on to me.  
  
Sheryl Crow  
  
Juliette stumbled slowly out of the bathroom and to the sink. She barely recognized her reflection in the mirror. She had to admit to herself. As much as she tried to deny it, she had been losing weight. This was in fact the lightest she had been since she was moved to Horizon. A dizzy spell hit the minute she bent down to splash some water on her face.  
  
"Damn!" Juliette cursed to herself as she stood up to a spinning room. She took several deep breaths then walked slowly towards her closet where she grabbed a heavy jacket, she was freezing, and headed out the door.  
  
"Just a few more feet..." Juliette thought to herself as she made her way, slowly, and carefully up the stairs to the boy's cabin where Auggie was supposedly waiting for her. She got to the door and raised her shaking hand to the glass windowpane then knocked.  
  
Auggie smiled when he heard the knock. He knew who it was going to be. Ezra was out with Daisy, Scott was most likely off with Shelby. He was without any doubt, certain it would be Juliette. He got up from his desk and walked gingerly towards the door, his grin spreading as he opened the door. But his smile soon faded when he saw her. She was incredibly pale and thin, even under the heavy winter jacket that he found an unusual choice considering it was in the mid-sixties temperature wise, her eyes looked swollen into her face and he noticed, after a moment, that she was shaking.  
  
"Jules, you ok?" Auggie asked as he pulled her frail body into his arms.  
  
"Auggie," Juliette began, her voice cracking with emotion as tears began to fall from her eyes. "I really need some help."  
  



	3. This I Promise You

Chapter Three- This I Promise You  
  
When the visions around you Bring tears to your eyes. And all that surrounds you Are secrets and lies. I'll be your strength I'll be your hope... ...And I will take you in my arms And hold you right where you belong. 'Til the day my life is through This I promise you. N'SYNC  
  
"Happy Birthday Dais..." Ezra began clearing his throat as he turned towards her. He pulled the small package out of his pocket and handed it to her. Daisy looked at him and smiled.  
  
"I hope you didn't feel like it was your obligation to get me something Ezra," she said sighing.  
  
"It wasn't an obligation Daisy, you're my friend and I wanted to do something special for you, now open it."  
  
Daisy rolled her eyes and opened up the box. She turned to Ezra in amazement when she saw what was inside. Slowly she lifted up the small silver necklace and watched intently as the flower, daisy charm dangled and sparkled in the moonlight.  
  
"It's beautiful," she whispered almost speechless. "This must have cost you a fortune, I can't take it," she said quickly closing the box and dropping it back into Ezra's lap.  
  
"It's a gift," he said forcing it back into her hand. "Do what you must with it, just don't give it back," he said flatly, looking out at the water.  
  
"Well thank you," Daisy whispered once again, this time with more of a tremble in her voice. She took a deep breath, leaned over and gave Ezra a sweet kiss on the cheek. "You're an amazing friend," she added making sure he didn't overestimate the meaning of the kiss. "Promise me you'll always be around when I need you, even after we leave this backward place?" she finished with a smile. Ezra closed his eyes for a moment in order to block out his disappointment.  
  
"Always," he managed to choke out with undetected emotion. Daisy just nodded and returned to staring out at the pond. She held the necklace up, clenched in her hand, close to her heart as she contemplated in her head what she was doing, not only to herself but also to her best friend. She had known for almost a year now that Ezra loved her. And not just the friendship kind of love that she knew she embodied for him, but more of an unconditional adoration. It scared her to think that if she opened up her heart, that she and Ezra could in theory, be just like Scott and Shelby. But it was that exact fear that stopped her from sharing her feelings with him. Not that she even knew if she really had the same feelings, but she wanted to have them, in the worst way possible. Everyday she watched as she unintentionally broke his heart over and over again. It was almost becoming unbearable. But her fears, being emotionally capable of holding together a relationship for starters, echoed in her head every time she got close to him and getting close to him was occurring more often then it had in the past. Not that she minded. Actually being with Ezra she felt safe, as long as they were just talking there was hope for her, but the minute anything got near physical, she would freak out and leave. A simple kiss on the cheek was all she would ever share with him, but most recently, as they spent more and more time with each other, she found herself wanting to hold on just a little longer. These urges to hold him, to kiss him, to love him, were becoming stronger and stronger with the passing days but as were the fears. Daisy's parents failed marriage was always a good enough reason to pull away, not that she was sure her relationship with Ezra would ever get that serious but what if it did and what if it wasn't working out and... what if she had to hurt him? As much as Daisy feared all aspects of a relationship, what she feared most was having to hurt the one person who, despite her constant will power, she had grown to rely on. It was a strange turn of events, even for someone as messed up in the head as she was.  
  
Finally Daisy looked up to find Ezra staring down at her.  
  
"What?" she asked slightly embarrassed.  
  
"Nothing," he replied shaking his head and smiling. Daisy made a face. Ezra closed his eyes. "You're beautiful," he added quickly and quietly, hoping she hadn't noticed. The last thing he wanted to do was scared her off. Daisy did hear him but she didn't let him know that, nor did she run away. Instead she fought her fears and stayed. They sat together, for a while longer in silence until finally Daisy spoke up.  
  
"Hey Ezra?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Would you do the honors?" she asked holding up her necklace. He smiled.  
  
"Would I ever," he took the delicate piece of jewelry from her and draped it around her neck, carefully fastening the clasp before returning to his seat next to her.  
  
"I really do love it," she said sincerely. Ezra smiled.  
  
"I didn't know if you would. I mean I know you're not usually a cutesy jewelry person but I saw it the other day when Peter took Auggie, Scott and I into town and it just looked perfect. Oh and I almost forgot. There's this," he reached back into his pocket and pulled out the neatly sealed envelope with her name on it. The minute she took it from his hand he regretted giving it to her, but now he couldn't take it back. He had no intention of actually handing her the envelope but something about the way she looked at him just then, gave him the sudden urge to pull it from his pocket. "Read it later," he added nervously as the words of the letter rushed around his head. The fact was, the envelope Daisy now held contained a letter Ezra had written to her, professing his feeling. Why he wrote it, he didn't know, and why he brought it with him still puzzled him, but his reasons for actually giving it to her, well that was beyond any logic he could fathom. But it was too late. The past was in the past and once she read it and after she had a good laugh and pitied him for a while she would get over it again. Once it was all over, he would be able to look at her again without his face turning bright red. Only then would she forget about his lousy penmanship, the endless blabber he included about how he loved her and how he thought they deserved to spend the rest of their lives together. And even worse yet, the lyrics to that song that, for reason he will never know, he insisted on including. How he wanted to just crawl into a hole and die.  
  
Daisy played with the letter for a moment, estimating the pages by its weight. It was heavy, at least three, maybe even four hand written sheets of torn notebook paper. Oh god, she thought to herself, this was it. He was going to spill his gut to her in this letter and she was going to cry, for the fifth time in the past week, because as hard as she tried, she couldn't make their relationship work out in her head.  
  
"Well..." Ezra said standing up. "It's getting late and..." he stopped. "Yanno, I kinda had something planned but... some other time I guess..."  
  
"You had something planned?"  
  
Ezra turned away embarrassed.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Just fire and shooting stars."  
  
"Oh Ezra..."  
  
"It's ok... really, some other time."  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"I promise."  
  
Daisy smiled, a real genuine smile, for finally she had something about her birthday to be happy for. She had someone who cared for her like no one else could. And even if she couldn't return the feeling just yet, she had someone who loved her for who she was. The thought brought her mind to a certain peace.  
  
"Good. And thank you."  
  
"Don't mention it," Ezra said turning to walk away. "Happy Birthday," he added, before disappearing into the blackness.  
  
Lie to me I promise I'll believe. Lie to me, But please don't leave. Sheryl Crow  
  
"What happened?" Auggie asked as he pulled Juliette into the room and onto his bed. Screw the "no members of the opposite sex in an assigned dorm" rule, Juliette needed him and that was all that mattered.  
  
"I haven't eaten anything real in over a week," Juliette began and tears started slowly trickling down her pale and sunken-in cheeks. "The more I eat, the more I throw up. My calorie count is way down... I've lost control and I need help."  
  
"We need to go get Peter."  
  
"No, Auggie, PLEASE."  
  
"Jules, he can help us."  
  
"But I've failed him Auggie, you don't understand, he helped me and all I did for him was lose the battle. A battle that with a little effort I could have won."  
  
"Don't say that, you didn't loose, not yet."  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"Jules you need to get to a hospital."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"If you don't get some nourishment into your body soon you could pass out, or worse yet, you could die!"  
  
"Auggie I can't go to a hospital."  
  
"You have to."  
  
"I can't! You don't understand."  
  
"Why not? Juliette, are you afraid, I'll go with you, I swear, if you need someone I'll be right there."  
  
"No Auggie, it's not just that."  
  
"Then what is it? Please Julie, tell me, I want to help you."  
  
"I'm doing it again Auggie."  
  
"Doing what?"  
  
"This..." with a shaking hand, Juliette slowly lifted up her sleeve to reveal her pale white arm, covered with various slash marks and scabbed wounds. Auggie, turned away. He couldn't look at her any longer. He knew Juliette was acting strange lately but he had no idea... and he thought they were getting close, just the other day she had told him that she would never hurt herself again like she used to and now look at her. She was a mess and he had no way of knowing she was hurting that badly. He turned to her with tears of his own.  
  
"Jules you said... you promised..."  
  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
  
"We have to go to Peter. I don't know what else to do."  
  
"He's gonna be so disappointed..." Julietter cried, her heart breaking with each word. As much as she had been aware of what she was doing, she still regretted it. But it was something she couldn't control. Even though her life was going better then it had been in a long time, she found herself missing the feeling of cutting... missing the scars, missing the rush as the blood poured from her veins... not eating again was just an added bonus. What was hurtful to her body made Juliette feel more real. It wasn't until she looked at herself in the mirror only about an hour prior that she realized she was deteriorating, and as much as she would have loved that feeling when she was home, now here at Horizon, she felt as if there was something to live for. As right as it had seemed at the time, the self-destruction was now wrong, she was not only a disappointment to herself but also to others, to the ones who cared about her. Peter, Sophie, Auggie... how could she let him see her like this.  
  
"Why Jules?" she heard him ask as her mind fogged over. "Why?"  
  
"I needed to feel real again," she cried. "I'm SO, SO Sorry."  
  
Auggie pulled her hysterical body into his arms and held her for dear life.  
  
"God Jules," he choked out, fighting back the urge to completely fall apart with her. "You really don't understand what you mean to me, do you?" he asked as he rocked her back and forth. "I'm gonna help you through this. Now we need to go find Peter."  
  
Juliette nodded as she made an attempt to stand up but failed miserably, then crumbled back down onto the bed.  
  
"Oh god..." Auggie cried lifting her up. "Please GOD, help us."  
  
Promise me you won't forget me, Because if I thought you would I would never leave. AA Milne  
  
"Hello?" Sophie answered groggily into the phone.  
  
"Sophie?" Peter asked, for a second thinking he had dialed the wrong number.  
  
"Yeah Peter it's me. Are you in the city? How was the flight?"  
  
"Everything went well... I'm at the hotel. Are... are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah it's just been a long day and I think I'm getting a cold. So how's your brother?"  
  
"Who knows, he's out of town on business, he won't be back until tomorrow."  
  
"But I thought you two were meeting for dinner tonight?" "You're not the only one," Peter replied sighing.  
  
"So now what?" Sophie asked eagerly.  
  
"I guess I wait until tomorrow. I just hope things go better then they did last time he and I talked."  
  
"Oh I'm sure they will," Sophie replied smiling to herself.  
  
"How are the kids?" Peter asked, stretching out on the bed.  
  
"Good, I guess. After you left Daisy was acting kinda weird but I think it has something to do with the anniversary of her mother's death coming up and her birthday and all..."  
  
"Probably... I wish I was there."  
  
"Yeah me too."  
  
"I miss you."  
  
"Ditto," Sophie replied sighing. "It's not the same sitting here in your office 'til the wee hours of the morning filling out financial forms and paperwork without you," she added laughing.  
  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
  
"No don't be silly. You need to see your brother, this is important, I mean it's concerning out wedding Peter."  
  
"I know, I just would rather be there."  
  
"Paranoid about seeing your brother?"  
  
"You could say that."  
  
"Everything will turn out alright."  
  
"I just hope he doesn't have a problem with coming up to Horizon for the wedding, last time he was there... well you know what happened. It wasn't too pretty, it's like Horizon is a constant reminder of what my father gave me and not him."  
  
"Everything will work out fine, trust me."  
  
"I do," Peter said smiling to himself. "It's myself that I don't trust."  
  
Sophie laughed.  
  
"Hey Mountain Man, you're got way too many people trusting you to not trust yourself."  
  
Peter smiled.  
  
"I know."  
  
"You should get some rest."  
  
"Is that you trying to get rid of me?" Peter asked jokingly.  
  
"NO! But I would like to leave this office sometime soon and head to my own cabin for some good 'ol R&R."  
  
"Will you dream of me?" Peter asked sweetly.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"I love you Sophie Becker."  
  
"And I love you Peter Scarbrow."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
"Night," Sophie hung up the phone and turned to the clock. Eleven forty five... all students should be safe in their beds and... she froze when she heard the knock at Peter's office door. She didn't even know that anyone knew she was in there. Sophie rounded the desk quickly but was not prepared for what she saw when she opened the door. There was Auggie with a very limp and very pale Juliette practically hanging in his arms.  
  
"She needs help Sophie," he said biting his lip to stop the tears from falling. "We need to get her to a hospital... I don't think she's conscious..."  
  



	4. You've Got A Friend

Chapter Four- You've Got A Friend  
  
Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say. Unknown  
  
Peter stormed into the ICU in a panic. He had gotten Sophie's note and even though he was assured that everything was fine he was worried. Sophie had been discrete, this was Juliette they were talking about and what Sophie didn't know about Juliette's past could be harmful to her recovery. The fact of the matter was that Juliette had tried to kill herself before, on more then one occasion.  
  
"SOPHIE!" Peter shouted when he saw her. She turned towards him and immediately ran into his arms. "What happened?" he asked quickly, trying to take in some air.  
  
"Juliette collapsed. Auggie brought her to me, she was unconscious, HE said she confessed to not eating and cutting... Peter she's cutting again."  
  
"Dammit!" Peter swore pulling away from Sophie and punching the wall.  
  
"Peter!" Sophie shouted trying to grab his attention. "Peter, she's alright... they got her on an IV... she's going to be alright."  
  
"Physically maybe but mentally... I thought she was over all of this..."  
  
"I know..." Sophie began, her own heart breaking with his. "But there's no way of knowing until we get a chance to talk to her and she still hasn't woken up yet."  
  
"I failed Soph."  
  
"No you haven't."  
  
"Yes, I have. I told Juliette I would help her, I told her I wouldn't let this happen again."  
  
"It's not your fault Peter."  
  
"But it is!"  
  
"No," she said wrapping her arms around him. "No, it isn't."  
  
Peter took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind, tried to believe what Sophie was saying.  
  
"You said that Auggie found her?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"When?"  
  
"They appeared at your office door looking for you almost the minute we got off the phone together." "Where's Auggie now?"  
  
"He's back at Horizon, he's pretty shaken up."  
  
"He's her best friend."  
  
"I know. You should have heard him in the car Peter. She had passed out but she was still breathing, I knew we didn't have the time to wait around for an ambulance and he offered to come with me. He just wanted to hold her. He promised her so many things Peter. Things that I know she heard, things that I know he can't do but it was just the innocence in it all... Peter they broke my heart," Sophie added with tears in her eyes.  
  
"It's ok," Peter said pulling her into his arms. "Everything's going to be ok."  
  
Love Is friendship Set on fire. French Proverb  
  
Finally alone and with some time to herself Daisy sat down with the letter Ezra had given her. When she found out that Juliette was in the hospital everything had spun out of control, even Shelby was scared for dear old "Queenie." But Sophie had called to let them know what Juliette was stable and she was going to be alright. The whole place seemed to sound a sigh of relief, plus Peter was back, he would know what to do. He always knew what to do.  
  
Daisy took Juliette's absence and Shelby's most recent escapade with Scott as the perfect opportunity to dip into Ezra's letter. And if it made her cry she would cry. No one was around, she didn't have to act strong and besides... she had promised to try to work on the upholding of her emotions... try being the key word there.  
  
Daisy grabbed the blunt letter opener off of her desk and tore at the envelope. She pulled out the pages, five in all, and sat down on the bed to begin to read.  
  
Daisy, By now I'm sure you've figured out what this letter is for. I'm sure you're a little embarrassed, and I can't blame you, I'm embarrassed too, but I hope with time you will learn to understand that I would be embarrassed for a life time if it meant telling you how I feel. I love you. There I said it, or wrote it rather, I just... well I felt it was time. I know you don't share my feelings but I figured I needed to tell you anyway. After all you are my best friend, and best friends share everything right? I'm really trying not to sound to corny here yanno? It's not working right? I didn't think so, I'm not really good at this kind of stuff. I mean I am, but not when it's me. I can take someone else's words, someone else's emotions and convey them on paper so much easier but when it comes to my own thoughts, my own emotions... I guess I'm just sorry I can't do this face to face. I tried once, remember that night in the old boat house, the night I told you about my love for Shakespeare and my obsession with Romeo and Juliet and how I only did what I did to impress you... man was that a nightmare. You broke my heart that night, remember that? Of course you do... how could you forget? You break my heart everyday Daisy. But I can take it, because I've come to realize that I would rather have you break my heart every day of my life then to never have you break my heart again. You are my Juliet- forbidden love, even if it is only forbidden because you don't love me back. I'm never gonna love anyone else the way I love you, I want you to know that. And even if I love again it still won't measure up to the way I feel for you. You've helped me come to understand that maybe I'm not as hopeless as I think I am, maybe with time I will actually be someone to make a difference in the world, maybe I am smart. And as much as I'm sure you're shaking your head as you read this you have to know that you have taught me to see the positive, even if it's buried deep in the negative. I guess, aside from spilling out all of my emotions to you, what I'm trying to tell you Daisy is, don't ever change. Stay just the way you are because as much as you don't agree, the way you are is perfect. If I had the chance I would never take back having come here because then I would never have had the opportunity to meet you, or have spent time with you, or have gotten to know you. So this is me basically saying thank you, and I would do it all over again if I had to. Right down to the overpowering drug addiction. You mean that much to me. I understand if after you read this you don't want to see me again, or talk to me again, or if you feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way with this letter, if you're reading this then obviously I didn't chicken out and I actually gave it to you which took a lot on my part, I just want you to know I had to write this, for me. I guess in a way, what I'm trying to say is... well I love you and you're my friend, so here's to many more years together after all..."You just call out my name and you know where ever I am I'll come running to see you again. Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call. And I'll be there 'Cause you've got a friend." It's suits us, don't ya think. Always yours, Ezra  
  
Daisy put down the letter and wiped the single tear from her eye. The quote he left her, it sounded so familiar. She knew she had heard it somewhere. She shuffled through Juliette's CD collection until finally she found what she was looking for. Carol King's "You've Got A Friend." She borrowed it from Juliette, threw it into her CD player and went to bed, even if she couldn't fight her fears, Ezra did have one point, she did have a friend.  
  
It seems to me that the best relationships, The ones that last, are frequently The ones rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person And you see something more then the night before, Like a switch has been flicked somewhere, And the person who was just a friend Is suddenly the only person You can ever imagine yourself with. "The X-Files"  
  
"Ezra, what are you doing out here? If you get caught you're on shuns for a week," Shelby whispered when she spotted Ezra sitting on the small groups of large stones situated just between the girl and boy cliffhangers dorms.  
  
"I know," Ezra said quietly acknowledging, but not moving. "Yanno you could get in trouble if you get caught too?"  
  
Shelby just smiled.  
  
"I'm too good to get caught."  
  
Ezra smiled back.  
  
"How's Scott?" he asked trying to draw attention away from himself. Shelby smiled widely at the mention of his name.  
  
"Good. And how's Daisy?"  
  
"I don't know," Ezra said sadly.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Nothing, that's what."  
  
Shelby sat down beside him.  
  
"Talk to me," She said turning to Ezra, trying to get him to open up.  
  
"We never even made it up the Mountain, we stayed at the pond the whole time, yanno the same place where we found Scott and her talking. I gave her the gift, she seemed to have liked it... I even gave her the letter. And then for a minute there I thought I saw something in her, something I had never seen before and I had hope but then... then she started with the friend stuff and... I just walked away."  
  
"Oh Ezra..."  
  
"Please Shelby, I've had enough pity for the week! I don't need any from you."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"It's ok, really..."  
  
"I just..." Shelby stopped mid sentence. "What's that noise?"  
  
"What noise?"  
  
"The music, don't you hear it?"  
  
Ezra had almost forgotten, the music had been what stopped him in the first place.  
  
"It's coming from you're dorm," He said dryly.  
  
"Who's music is it?" Shelby asked.  
  
"Daisy's I would assume seeing she is your only roommate right now."  
  
Shelby rolled her eyes.  
  
"I know it's Daisy's but... 'You've Got A Friend'... Daisy would never listen to something like that unless she had good reason."  
  
"Who says she doesn't?"  
  
"No one, I just... it's all kinda confusing. I'm getting tired, I'm gonna head up. You should do the same," Shelby leaned over and gave Ezra a light kiss on the cheek. "Sweet dreams," Shelby smiled sweetly.  
  
"Yeah," Ezra smirked bitterly. "Pleasant Nightmares."  
  



	5. New Beginnings

Chapter Five- New Beginnings  
  
It was the end of something simple And the beginning of everything else. "Dawson's Creek"  
  
"Ok, I'm here, now what's the big emergency?" Ezra asked as he walked slowly towards the dock where Daisy sat. Daisy didn't respond, nor did she stand to greet him, she just remained seated, waiting for him to join her. When Ezra finally noticed that Daisy wasn't moving he did actually join her, and even though he continued to ask Daisy why they were there, she didn't respond, at least not at first. It wasn't until Ezra threatened to leave that Daisy finally made a move. She turned to him, lifted her hand to the side of his face, and kissed him softly on the lips.  
  
Ezra was shocked. For what seemed like an eternity he didn't move, he just let her kiss him. It was nice, amazing actually, but he had no idea what she was doing. When Daisy finally did pull back, and she was the one to pull back, she just smiled and then returned her gaze to the water ahead.  
  
"What... what was that all about?" Ezra asked, still seeing stars. For a moment, Daisy didn't respond. She couldn't. She just had no words. She looked over at him, at the apprehension in his eyes and knew she had to say something so she opted for the first thought that came to her head at that moment.  
  
"I love you." She said simply as she smiled. "I'm sorry it took me so long, I mean at times I know I'm a little slow but there was just no excuse for my stupidity. I love you. There, I said it."  
  
For about the fifth time in so many minutes, Ezra did a double take.  
  
"Did I hear you correctly?" he asked, laughing nervously. "Did you just say..."  
  
"I love you," Daisy finished for him. "I love you," she repeated almost hysterically.  
  
"Are you feeling alright?" Ezra asked unable to accept the reality.  
  
"I'm fine. I've just decided to stop denying myself. I read your letter and... well if you can spill your heart out to me then I can do the same. I'm just scared. I'm afraid I'll make the same mistakes my parents did. But I've realized that I'm not my mother, and you're DEFINITELY not my father. We're us... I kinda like the way that sounds, Us..."  
  
"Us." Ezra repeated after her. "We're an us... wow. Can I... what... I... can I kiss you?"  
  
"You don't have to ask Ezra, just do."  
  
"Ok..." Ezra leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips, once, twice, then again, this time deepening the kiss and holding on for a little longer. "I've been waiting WAY too long for that," he said pulling back. Daisy laughed.  
  
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be sorry." "But I am, you have no idea, I mean I know, or I knew you liked me, even loved me maybe but... I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't let myself go, until now. Ezra, the letter... it was beautiful."  
  
Ezra smiled.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"My birthday has always been hard for me. The stuff with my mother and... well it was never really a good time around my house but yesterday... you changed it Ezra, you made it all better. Yesterday was the best birthday I've had in a long time. I realized last night that you care about me like no one else does and if you care about me that much then I must care about you too because it's two ways, well at least that's the way I see it. I just... oh god look at me, you've turned me into a blubbering idiot."  
  
"You're not an idiot."  
  
"I never used to babble like this."  
  
"I think it's cute."  
  
Daisy hit him playfully.  
  
"You would."  
  
"SO this was the emergency then?"  
  
Daisy hit him again.  
  
"I would say this qualifies as an emergency, would you?" she asked looking into his eyes.  
  
"Oh yeah," Ezra said nodding. "Most definitely."  
  
Daisy shook her head laughing.  
  
"You wanna go get something to eat?" Ezra asked her as he stood up.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Shall we?" he asked extending his hand.  
  
"We shall," she replied taking his hand in hers and holding it proudly as they walked slowly together to the dinning hall.  
  
This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. It is perhaps, the end of the beginning.  
Winston Churchill  
  
The waiting room was silent. Everyone sat around just kinda staring at each other. Auggie was the first to go in. He wanted to be in there with her alone. Then Ezra and Daisy would go in together and Shelby and Scott after them. Juliette had requested to see them all, and Peter had no problem to obliging. Everyone in the waiting room Juliette had called a friend, even Shelby, she just wanted to see them all to reassure them that she was going to be ok.  
  
"Look at them," Shelby whispered turning to Scott and nudging her head towards Daisy and Ezra.  
  
"What?" Scott whispered back.  
  
"They're holding hands."  
  
"No there..." Scott looked over and his jaw dropped in shock. "They are!"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Woah...."  
  
"I know."  
  
"DO you think?"  
  
Shelby nodded and smiled mischievously.  
  
"I don't think, I know," she said with assurance.  
  
"You're kidding me, they're like together?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Since when?"  
  
"Last night."  
  
"No wonder Ezra was all quiet and happy like."  
  
"Yup, Daisy finally gave in."  
  
"Well good for her."  
  
"Yeah," Shelby said smiling. "Yanno, Daisy's afraid they're gonna turn out like us."  
  
"What is that supposed to be some sort of insult?" Scott asked in mock offence. Shelby just laughed.  
  
"I think she's afraid of becoming like an old married couple."  
  
"Are you calling us an old married couple?"  
  
Shelby laughed a little.  
  
"Well close, wouldn't you say."  
  
Scott contemplated for a moment.  
  
"I guess. But is there anything wrong with that?"  
  
Shelby smiled at him lovingly.  
  
"Not as far as I'm concerned," she responded before lightly kissing him on the lips. When the kiss came to a natural end, Scott pulled back and smiled.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I know," Shelby replied smiling back. For a moment they sat in silence, watching as Ezra and Daisy quietly made contact. It was Shelby who finally spoke up. "What would you do if that was me?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"If I was the one in the hospital, what do you think you would do, how would you react?"  
  
"I would go crazy."  
  
"Crazy how?"  
  
"Break stuff."  
  
"You would?"  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I dunno, that's how I deal with things. When the people I love are hurting I wanna hurt, so I destroy first things, others, then myself."  
  
"Scott I..."  
  
"Let's not talk about it ok? I don't want to think about something like that."  
  
"Yeah," Shelby said nodding. "You're right." She turned her head and rested it comfortably on his shoulder. And there they sat waiting to go see Juliette.  
  
"Do you think they know?" Ezra whispered quietly, turning to Daisy.  
  
"I told Shelby," she replied smiling.  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yeah, is that ok?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, it's fine. I didn't tell anyone yet, I mean I was gonna but. Yeah that's fine."  
  
"You seemed shocked."  
  
"Truthfully, I am."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well I didn't expect you to tell anyone right away, I though... well I thought maybe you'd be a little embarrassed."  
  
"Why would I be embarrassed?"  
  
"Well because you're now officially dating me for starters."  
  
"Ezra, come on!"  
  
"I'm serious Daisy, I'm not exactly a prime catch here."  
  
"I admit, you're not, but that's not why I love you. Ezra I love you because you're you and that's all that matters."  
  
Ezra smiled.  
  
"You mean that?"  
  
"Of course I do. I..." Daisy stopped speaking when she saw Auggie come into the room.  
  
"She wants to see you two now," he said motioning to Ezra and Daisy. The two got up and walked hand and hand out of the waiting room, leaving Shelby, Scott and Auggie behind.  
  
"How is she?" Scott asked Auggie.  
  
"She's tired, but she says she's getting better. I dunno man, she looks awful, all skin and bones, yanno?"  
  
"Yeah man," Scott said nodding. "I know."  
  
"She's upset too, depressed. I'm trying to help but I just can't."  
  
Scott and Shelby both nodded this time.  
  
"She needs times." Shelby said sitting up. "Give her some time, she'll pull through. She has something to fight for and she will," Shelby finished with a smile.  
  
"Thanks Shell," Auggie said smiling back. "Believe it or not, you being here means a lot. Not only to me but also to her."  
  
"I know," Shelby said nodding. She looked down at the ground. "I know."  
  
The room fell silent and stayed that way until finally Daisy and Ezra returned.  
  
"Your turn," Daisy said taking a seat next to Shelby as she and Scott stood up. "Oh and Shelby, be nice."  
  
Shelby turned to Daisy and rolled her eyes then took Scott's hand as they walked slowly to Juliette's room. The entered, hands apart, first Scott, then Shelby and let the door close quietly behind them. When Juliette saw Scott, her face lit up.  
  
"Hey Handsome," she beamed as he moved towards the foot of her bed, with Shelby dragging behind.  
  
"Hey Jules," Scott replied smiling at her. "How you feeling?"  
  
"Much better," Juliette said trying to make light of the situation. "Hey Shelby, thanks for coming," Juliette said sweetly.  
  
"Don't mention it," Shelby mumbled back.  
  
"Hey Scott?" Juliette asked looking up at him. "Can you do me a favor?"  
  
"Sure, anything," he replied smiling down at her.  
  
"Can I talk to Shelby for a minute alone?"  
  
Both Shelby and Scott looked down at Juliette in shock.  
  
"Are... are you sure?" Scott asked nervously.  
  
"Yeah," Juliette responded nodding. "If... if you don't mind Shell."  
  
Shelby shook her head.  
  
"No, Scott, it's fine."  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll be out in a minute ok?"  
  
Scott nodded.  
  
"Sure," he walked over to Juliette's side and gave her a small peck on the cheek. "Get better okay gorgeous?"  
  
Juliette smiled.  
  
"You bet."  
  
Scott turned to Shelby and kissed her softly on the lips.  
  
"Be nice," He mumbled quickly.  
  
"Don't worry, I will," Shelby mumbled back. Scott left and Shelby sat down next to Juliette's bed. "So Queeny," she began. "What is this all about?"  
  
Every new beginning Comes from some other Beginning's end.  
The Semisonics  
  
"Do you need anything in town while I'm out here?" Peter asked sweetly as over the phone to Sophie one last time, before making the move to hang up.  
  
"Nope, just hurry back okay?" Sophie whined uncharacteristically.  
  
"I will," Peter replied laughing.  
  
"And send Jules my best."  
  
"You can count on it."  
  
"See ya in about an hour."  
  
"Love ya Soph."  
  
"Love ya too."  
  
Peter hung up and walked back into the waiting room to sit with the kids, all was quiet and he couldn't help but think about things with Sophie. Sophie hung up her end of the phone and sighed, wishing Peter was there with her. First he was gone to see his brother and now he was gone at the hospital and here she was again doing the paperwork in his office all by herself.  
  
Tess Becker wandered the hall ways of Horizon's administrative building in hot pursuit of her sister Sophie. The door of her office was locked and the lights were off, she almost gave up the hunt until she saw Sophie's back as she sat on Peter's desk going through some papers. She knocked on the door with a confused expression on her face and waited impatiently for her big sis to answer. Sophie opened the door and her jaw dropped in complete shock.  
  
"Surprise!" Tess shouted dropping her bags and wrapping her arms around Sophie. It took a moment for the shock to register but soon enough, Sophie returned her sister's hug, embracing her tightly.  
  
"Tess, what are you doing here?" Sophie asked staring down at her.  
  
"Visiting," Tess replied smiling. "I didn't think you'd mind if I dropped by."  
  



	6. Better Days

Chapter Six- Better Days  
  
The future is no where To place your better days.  
Dave Matthews  
  
"Hey Shelby, wait up!" Ezra shouted as he ran after her down the path to the lake. Shelby stopped and turned around, waiting for him to catch up with her.  
  
"Yes?" She asked pointedly when he reached her.  
  
"I just wanna thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For Daisy, the advice, everything."  
  
Shelby smiled.  
  
"It was nothing, really, I assure," she threw in nonchalantly.  
  
"No, it was something," he insisted. "If you hadn't told me to stick with it, I think I would have give up and look at me now. Daisy and I are together. I'm so happy, happier then I think I've ever been in my life. And I have you to thank for it. If there is anything, and I mean ANYTHING I can do for you PLEASE let me know."  
  
"There is one thing."  
  
"Name it."  
  
"Leave me alone so I can go find Scott."  
  
"You got it!" Ezra replied laughing. "Thank you though, really," he kissed her on the cheek. "You're the best."  
  
"I know," Shelby said smiling widely. "I get it, now I'm going ok?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, see ya later."  
  
"Maybe," Shelby replied running away and leaving Ezra with himself and a huge grin spread across his face. In less then five minutes time Shelby had found Scott, sitting on the dock, waiting patiently for her. She made her presence known the minute she saw him, by purposely breaking some branches as she walked towards him. He looked over at her and smiled but didn't get up. It was then that Shelby realized he wanted her to join him.  
  
"Hey you," Shelby said sweetly as she sat down next to Scott.  
  
"Hey Beautiful," he said turning to her and kissing her on the forehead.  
  
"That was nice," Shelby replied smiling. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"  
  
"Nothing really, just wanted some company," Scott said attempting to sound nonchalant.  
  
"Nothing?" Shelby asked suspiciously.  
  
"Yup, nothing."  
  
"You're lying."  
  
"How can you tell."  
  
"I can see it in your eyes. I bet not many people can, but I can... they squint a little when you lie."  
  
"THEY DO NOT!" Scott protested laughing.  
  
"Yes," Shelby said quietly yet sweetly. "They do."  
  
Scott looked at her, smiled, then sighed.  
  
"So what was it that Juliette just HAD to talk to you about the other night?"  
  
"It was nothing," Shelby said quickly, attempting to shrug it off.  
  
"Nothing? Ok, yeah, sure, you expect me to believe that. Shelby, you can't stand Juliette and I know that she's not your biggest fan either."  
  
"It was NOTHING. Really Scott, give it up."  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Is it me?"  
  
"Scott no."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"Look I don't want to talk about it ok?" Shelby stood up, unable to finish the interrogation. She needed some air, some room to breathe, she felt like the walls were caving in on her and she was outside... "I... I have to go meet Daisy somewhere. I'll see you later at dinner ok?"  
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
Shelby looked down at Scott and waited for him to say, or do something more but he didn't. He just sat perfectly still so she left him there. Shelby walked the long way back to her dorm, where she had intended on hopefully seeing Daisy for some advice, and contemplated her situation. A part of her wanted to tell him, to spill all that had happened with her and Juliette, she was in the hospital room for over an hour after all, but another part of her was afraid. Afraid of what he might think, or say to her when she told him. Afraid of his disappointment, the pain he might feel if she actually told him that when she was out on the streets she was a lot more like Juliette then she cared to let on. Maybe it was one of the reasons she hated Juliette so much, because she saw the parts about herself that she hated come out in someone else, only on a different level. Shelby and Juliette did share one major factor in common. They had both at one point in time been acutely aware that they were killing themselves, and Shelby wasn't referring to the drugs she knew were doing harm to her body, no she had actually inflicted wounds... cuts, as Juliette called them, but in the worse sense of the word. Shelby had once slit her wrists.  
  
She and Juliette shared that in common. Although Juliette didn't share it with many people, she had tried to kill herself by slitting her wrists, a while back. That's what had been the straw that broke the camel's back where her parents were concerned. Her incident was, in the long run, what had sent Juliette to Horizon. Shelby never would have shared her incident with anyone if it hadn't been for that day in the bathroom. They were cleaning up for bed and it was just Juliette and Shelby alone. Shelby remembered the day, one of her first days at Horizon, like it was only yesterday. Shelby lifted her hand to stroke her hair and Juliette had caught something that normally no one else would. She turned to Shelby and with a fearful smile said "we match" as Juliette held her wrist to Shelby's. It was a quick yet odd moment. It was at that exact point in time that Shelby had decided to hate Juliette and it wasn't until the other night at the hospital that Juliette had brought it up. The girls spent their time together talking about shame, and guilt and Juliette's urge to do it again. Shelby and Juliette were drawn to each other in a way that no body could understand and it was going to be hard to explain to Scott, as much as Shelby would have liked to. She was worried, worried that her not telling him would result in a fight, or him not trusting her. She would have to come clean sometime, the question was, when?  
  
We'll turn this better thing To the best of all we can offer.  
Dave Matthews  
  
"HE SAID WHAT?" Sophie shouted as Peter tried to remain as calm and rational as possible.  
  
"He said I deserved better and he wouldn't be my best man because I wasn't getting married in New York, it wasn't Chloe I was remarrying, AND... oh you're gonna love this one, I get the entire company on my birthday in a few weeks and so far I have no intention of giving any of it to him."  
  
"This is unbelievable."  
  
"It's ok Soph, I knew something like this would happen, I just had a feeling..."  
  
"SO what are you gonna do?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You need a best man."  
  
"Well I don't NEED..."  
  
"PETER!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"This is our wedding, we're going to have a WEDDING party. Now my sister is here all the way from Maine, the least we can do is find a replacement."  
  
"I always thought my best man would be my brother... now he's let me down on not only one wedding but two."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"He wasn't there when I married Chloe either, he was away on business."  
  
"OH Peter," Sophie said coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"It's ok, look we'll just have to go with what we have."  
  
"What about Frank?"  
  
"NO, it's too much stress for him, I don't want him to have to come up here and worry about not only the kids but also the wedding. It's bad enough for him at home worrying, I'd hate from him to have to come up here more then he needed to."  
  
"You have a point... well, what about one of the kids?"  
  
"One of the kids?"  
  
"Well why not, I mean it is a Horizon wedding after all," she said with a smile.  
  
"Any suggestions?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. What about Scott?"  
  
"Yanno, I have always had a soft spot for that kid. He knows it too, I mean we're close... I've always felt that the two of us had a connection..."  
  
"See."  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"Last I saw he was out on the dock with Shelby but actually..." Sophie stopped to look out the window of Peter's office. "He's right there."  
  
"Hey Scott!" Peter called out lifting up the screen and yelling out the window. Scott stopped his sulking and turned to the building and Peter.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Come up here a second, I've got something to ask you."  
  
You can't have A better tomorrow If you are thinking About yesterday all the time.  
Charles F Kettering  
  
"Can we eat alone tonight?" Shelby asked cutting off Scott as he made his way over to the group's table.  
  
"Sure..."  
  
"I've got something I wanted to tell you."  
  
"Good, 'cause I've got something I wanted to tell you too."  
  
Shelby nodded.  
  
"Good."  
  
The two sat down at a small, secluded table in a quiet section of the dinning hall. For a few minutes they just sat in silence eating, but it wasn't their usual natural silence that they often spent hours in, the tension in the air was growing with every bite and finally Scott felt the need to say something.  
  
"Peter asked me to be his best man."  
  
"Really?" Shelby said her eyes lighting up. "You said yes right?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Well what about his brother, his family."  
  
"It's a tough situation, his brother doesn't approve and since it's a Horizon wedding he figured why not have ME as his best man."  
  
"Scott's that's great."  
  
"Yeah, so now it's your turn."  
  
"My turn to what?"  
  
"Share your news.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
Shelby nodded slowly trying to arrange the words in her head.  
  
"Scott about earlier..." Scott cut her off.  
  
"Look I'm sorry I blew up at you this morning, I don't need to know what you and Juliette talked about, really it's none of my business," he said apologetically.  
  
"I... yanno, I'm sorry about the way I acted I just... it's a private matter, you can respect that, right?"  
  
"Of course. I don't want to fight with you Shel, I hate fighting with you. It hurts too much."  
  
"Yeah, I know, "Shelby said quietly, more to herself then anything.  
  
"So is that what you wanted to tell me?" Scott asked.  
  
"Yup, I just wanted to apologize, that's all."  
  
"Good," Scott smiled. "SO everything's ok with us, right?"  
  
"Yeah," Shelby said nodding. "Everything's just fine..."  
  



	7. Free Falling

Chapter Seven- Free Falling  
  
I wish I could fly From this building, From this wall. And if I should try, Would you catch me, If I fall. The Bare Naked Ladies  
  
"Make it quick Peter, I was just helping Frank fit the kids for their caps and gowns. He's so excited, so are the kids at least I think. You should see Scott and Shelby..." Sophie stopped when she got a good look at Peter. His face was pale, drained of all color. He sat perfectly still staring up at her, clenching a piece of paper in his right hand. "What?" she asked narrowing her eyes at him in confusion.  
  
"Read this," he said, still partially in a daze, shaking his head, as he handed the letter to her.  
  
"Ok..." Sophie took the letter and began reading out loud. "Dear Mr. Scarbrow, I am writing in regards of Scott's final Horizon payment. Here is the remainder of my bill in full. I will be unable to attend the final Graduation ceremonies and I wish to not discredit you for the work you have done in helping my son. Unfortunately, Scott and I no longer see eye to eye so I'm sure my presence at the ceremony will not be missed. I would also greatly appreciate it if you could inform Scott of his future.  
  
"Mr. Scarbrow, it is clear to me that I no longer have the son I once had. Scott has changed and I wish to no longer be included in his life. A follow up letter with a key to a space in storage will arrive soon, please give it to Scott. There he will find all of his belongings. If he wishes to live with his mother, that is his choice, but he is no longer welcome in my home. Scott is aware of where he stands financially and I'm sure will be able to survive on his own for some time before having to secure his own job I just wish to have no part of his life any longer. I hope that you understand. Please pass this information on to Scott. Sincerely, Mr. Barringer."  
  
Sophie dropped the letter and looked down at Peter in disgust. "How could any man do that to their own son!" she shouted in outrage.  
  
"How are we supposed to tell him this?" Peter asked just as outraged and confused.  
  
"Peter, he's going to be crushed."  
  
"What possibly could have brought something like this on?" Peter asked. "Did something happen when he was at home? Has he shared anything with you in group?" he wanted some answers, some sort of sense of the situation.  
  
"Nothing," Sophie said shaking her head. "This is unreal."  
  
"We have to tell him."  
  
"Peter, no. We can't, at least not right now. Not tonight."  
  
"Then tomorrow, Sophie, the sooner we let him know what's going on the better." "Oh god Peter... what can we do?"  
  
"We'll figure something out. I mean I know Scott does have some sort of trust fund so Mr. Barringer is right, he will be set for some time but..."  
  
"Poor Scott."  
  
"We'll help him Soph, don't worry. We owe it to this kid... I'll figure something out. We just have to."  
  
Do you ever put your arms up And spin really fast? That's what love is like. It makes your heart race And turn's the world upside down. But if you're not careful, If you don't keep your eyes on something still, You can lose your balance, You can't see what's happening To the people around you. You can't see that you're about to fall.  
"Practical Magic"  
  
"Where did you find this place?" Shelby asked as she sat down in front of Scott, his arms wrapped around her, as they sat together on the edge of the cliff, watching the sunset.  
  
"Ezra." Scott said smiling to himself.  
  
"Really? Wow... I just had no idea somewhere this beautiful existed."  
  
"It is amazing, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah," Shelby replied turning to him and smiling. "No more sunsets like this in a few more weeks..." She said sadly.  
  
"I can't believe we're graduating."  
  
"Home sweet home..." Shelby muttered sarcastically. "I'm gonna miss you SO much."  
  
"Who says that we have to be so far apart? I meant what I said Shel, I'm not going back home to live with him. "  
  
"Yeah but Scott, what are you gonna do, come move in with me?"  
  
Scott looked down at her and smiled mischievously.  
  
"Wouldn't be so bad now would it?" "Oh yeah I'm sure my mom would just LOVE that."  
  
Scott smiled.  
  
"I can get an apartment near your place," he suggested.  
  
"You wouldn't exactly want to live near my place."  
  
"Why not."  
  
"Because Scott it's a hell hole. We're trash. We live in a trashy neighborhood, in a bad part of town."  
  
"Well who says I can afford and upper class life style."  
  
"Scott, we both know you have money."  
  
"What if you moved in somewhere nice with me?"  
  
"Are you kidding me, my mother can't wait till I get back and I can help her with everything, Slave Shelby once again."  
  
"It doesn't have to be that way Shel, you're eighteen, you can do what you want now."  
  
"It's not that easy Scott."  
  
"I know," he said sadly. "It's just fun to pretend sometimes."  
  
"Well you know, if you want to pretend, let's do it the right way," Shelby began. "Now, you see that path right there," she said turning and pointing. "That leads to our house on the hills. One of many of course, but this is our favorite. It's huge, five bedrooms, One for each of our kids, there's four of them, three boys and a girl. Alyson is the youngest, you spoil her rotten. Devin is in college now, a sophomore, can you believe it? Full scholarship to a pack ten school... he's a football star," she looked up and Scott and smiled. "Josh is a senior in high school. He's heading to the ivy leagues next fall, a full academic ride, plus some... he wants to be an architect. And then there's little Peter. He's only a year older then Ally, she's twelve, he's thirteen. He's her keeper. We named him after Scarbrow of course and he's got a heart of gold. Are kids are wonderful, almost as wonderful as our marriage. We never fight, we share everything, and there's still that spark... you know the one, that feeling when we kiss. After almost 21 years we've still got the magic. Horizon still plays a big part on our life. When were at our house on the hills, just up there, we visit Horizon constantly. We hit it big in the stock market and neither one of us has to work but we do, because we give a lot of our money to Horizon, to keep it alive, and when Peter retires, he's already talked you into taking charge, we can't wait. I'm a school principal, and you're a very successful lawyer, you're specialty is troubled teens and custody suits, you always win. We're healthy and happy, and every year we get together with Ezra and Daisy and their two kids, and Juliette and Auggie and their seven, Juliette finally gave up on throwing up. Surprisingly enough we turned out alright," she looked up at Scott for approval. "What do you think?"  
  
Scott kissed her softly on the forehead and smiled.  
  
"Sounds perfect." "Yeah..." She said turning away. "Almost too perfect."  
  
"Nothing's too perfect Shel," Scott said reassuring her. "Look at our lives, we've come so far. We deserve something good to happen to us."  
  
"I'm just scared."  
  
"Scared of what?"  
  
"Losing you."  
  
"You're not losing me."  
  
"Yes, I am in a few weeks we're graduating and that's the end."  
  
"Shelby, I told you, we'll work it out."  
  
"I wish it was that simple but we both know Scott, it's not."  
  
"I will work something out, believe me, just have a little faith."  
  
"I'm trying it's just... everything's so great, between us, in general, in... just everything... it's like I'm just waiting for the fall."  
  
"There's not gonna be a fall this time," Scott said firmly. "I'm not gonna let it happen," he added, moving in for a kiss.  
  
"Awwwww how cute," Tess said sneaking up behind Scott and Shelby. The two pulled apart abruptly and stared at Tess.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Shelby asked shooting Tess an evil look. Tess just stood there laughing.  
  
"It's so sad that you two have to run away like this in order to just kiss. My sister and her fiancée really have some strict rules huh?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Scott asked not in the least bit amused.  
  
"Young love," Tess said walking away. "Aint it sweet?"  
  
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Scott asked getting up after her.  
  
"Tess Becker," Tess said turning to face Scott and now Shelby also. "I'm here for the wedding."  
  
"Becker? You mean you're Sophie's sister?" Shelby asked annoyed.  
  
"You got it," Tess replied sarcastically. "I'm here for the wedding," She repeated.  
  
"Wonderful..." Shelby replied dryly. "SO... what are you doing up here? Besides you know, spying on us." Tess laughed.  
  
"Just got bored," she said simply. "I saw you too and..." she placed her hand suggestively on Scott's shoulder. "I thought your boyfriend here was kinda cute."  
  
Scott quickly shrugged it off.  
  
"Lay off," Shelby warned defensively.  
  
"Or what?" Tess asked testing her. Scott pulled Shelby aside.  
  
"Let's go," He said beginning to pull her down the hill.  
  
"Awwwww how cute," Tess squealed. "He's looking out for you."  
  
This time it was Scott's turn to get in Tess's face.  
  
"Listen," he began, dropping Shelby's hand and moving closer. "Leave my girlfriend and I the hell alone and we won't have a problem, but mess with us and I promise you, you're visit here will not be a good one."  
  
"Is that a threat," Tess asked sickeningly sweetly.  
  
"More like a promise," Scott replied.  
  
"Oh I'm so scared," Tess said sarcastically, making a face.  
  
"You should be," Shelby said jumping in.  
  
"And why's that?" Tess asked. "You gonna go tell my former junkie sister and her ex alcoholic fiancée. PLEASE, there's nothing they can do about it."  
  
"WHAT did you just call them?" Scott said ready to snap. Shelby caught that look in his eye and interrupted before he got nasty.  
  
"Look, That former Junkie there, well she's the closest thing to a mother that I've ever had and that EX alcoholic, well he saved me from a life on the streets, selling my body for food! I'm NOT going to let you talk about them like that. They deserve better," Shelby demanded pushing Tess out of the way. She grabbed Scott's hand and pulled him in the direction of the campus.  
  
"You little bitch," Tess said pulling Shelby away. "I'm not gonna let a tramp like you talk to me like that," She added pushing her back. It was Shelby's turn to spin out of control as she charged at Tess sending the two of them flying to the ground. Scott tried to pull them apart but it was no use. Had it not been for Peter and Sophie's sudden appearance, Scott was sure some physical damage would have been done.  
  
"What's going on here?" Peter shouted pulling the two girls apart.  
  
"I can't believe she's your sister," Shelby said breathlessly, pointing to Tess and turning to Sophie. "What did you do now oh little one?" Sophie asked sternly turning to her little sister.  
  
"Just putting this trash in her place, that's all," Tess replied shooting daggers at Shelby.  
  
"Excuse Me?" Sophie asked outraged, turning to Tess. "What did you just call her?"  
  
"Trash, just like she is," Tess replied without so much as blinking.  
  
"Oh that's it." Sophie said fuming. "All my life Tess I've wanted to do this and now I finally get the chance. Leave!" she shouted pointing back down the trail.  
  
"What?" Tess asked confused.  
  
"Leave and don't come back."  
  
"Sophie what are you talking about? Don't come back where?"  
  
"Here, there, ANYWHERE near me."  
  
Tess took a step back, appalled. "Are you kidding me? What about the wedding?"  
  
"Forget it, I'll find someone else to be my maid of honor."  
  
"But I'm your sister."  
  
"By blood alone, if you can't respect these kids Tess then there's nothing for you and I to talk about. Horizon and Peter are my life now and as far as I'm concerned it's a happier place without you in it. I've never turned my back on anyone before in my life but for some reason it's easy to do to someone as self serving and just completely horrible as you. Now go. When I get back down from this mountain I want to see you packing your bags to head out of here."  
  
"Sophie, you can't mean that."  
  
"Oh I do, now go, NOW!"  
  
"Whatever!" Tess shouted storming down the mountain.  
  
"Unbelievable!" Sophie shouted loud enough for Tess to hear.  
  
"Oh god Soph... I'm so sorry," Peter said finally stepping in.  
  
"I should have known..." Sophie said sighing. "It was too good to be true."  
  
"I'm sorry Sophie," Shelby said finally apologizing. "She just..."  
  
"You don't need to explain Shel," Sophie said sympathetically. "She's always been that way... good ol' Tess"  
  
"So now what?" Scott asked. "You're out a maid of honor."  
  
"No," Sophie said shaking her head. "Not really..."  
  
Sophie looked at Shelby and smiled Shelby returned the gaze confused.  
  
"What?" Shelby asked.  
  
"How about you step in?" Sophie asked smiling even wider when she saw the look on Peter's face.  
  
"Me?" Shelby asked amazed. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Why not? You and Scott can walk down the isle together, it'll be fun. Please say yes."  
  
Shelby smiled and nodded, slightly unsure yet still excited at the thought.  
  
"Yes."  
  



	8. Change

Chapter Eight- Change  
  
Change is never easy.  
You fight to hold on.  
You fight to let go.  
"The Wonder Years"  
  
"Hey Scott wait up!" Peter shouted as he ran towards Scott. Scott stopped just feet in front of the dining hall and turned to face Peter.  
  
"What's up?" He Scott asked in a hurry.  
  
"Can I have a word with you?" Peter panted, stopping just a few feet in front of Scott to catch his breath.  
  
"Now?" Scott asked annoyed, he was hungry and his stomach was growling. "I'm supposed to be meeting Shelby and the rest of the Cliffhangers in like five minutes."  
  
"It's important Scott, please come with me."  
  
"Whatever," Scott said walking away towards Peter's office. Peter followed just a few short steps behind. "So, what's so important that you couldn't wait to tell me?" Scott asked annoyed. "This isn't about the wedding is it?" he asked the thought finally coming to his mind. "I already went and got fitted for my tux and I know I have to write a speech, I'm working on it and I promise..."  
  
Peter cut him off.  
  
"No Scott, it's not about that."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"It's... Scott I dunno how to tell you this, I guess you should just read," Peter handed him the letter and Scott sat down slowly as he read. Peter watched as a swirl of emotions displayed themselves on Scott's face. After a moment, Scott put down the letter. When he finally looked back up at Peter, he sighed.  
  
"I know," Scott replied flatly.  
  
"Know what?" Peter asked confused.  
  
"The letter, the money, the not wanting me back, I know it all. I'm the one who walked out, this is just his lame attempt to make himself seem like the strong one," Scott made a face. "Whatever," he said more then his own benefit then anyone else's.  
  
"And you're ok with this?"  
  
"Peter it was my choice."  
  
"Your choice?" "Well... yeah. When I left him last week I decided I wasn't coming back. I took anything that meant something to me and when I left I told him that it was the end. I knew I had the money, it's a trust fund he can't touch, and I knew I'd be fine, maybe even better off. My father will never understand me and I don't really know if I want him to."  
  
Peter sat back a moment to register his shock.  
  
"Well Scott," he began quietly. "It seems like you've really thought this through."  
  
"I have... I guess, in a way, I've been thinking it through since I first came here. Just not on this same level. Although to tell you the truth, I didn't actually think he'd do something like this, just not his style yanno? Too low class. Oh well I don't want to let this bother me."  
  
"But it does?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Scott you don't need to lie to me."  
  
"I'm not lying, really, I'm fine. If a separation is what he wants a separation is what he gets. This way I don't need to work as hard to get closer to Shelby once we graduate from here."  
  
"You mean you're going to move in with Shelby?"  
  
"No, but close. Look Peter aren't there more happier things we can talk about?" Scott asked standing up.  
  
"Yeah," Peter nodded. "Yeah, Juliette is getting out today, I'm on my way to pick her up."  
  
"Is Auggie going with you?"  
  
"Unfortunately no, the doctors said it's best that I be the only one. She's still got a long way 'til she's officially better, this is just the first step."  
  
"He's good for her yanno?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Auggie," Scott turned away. "I used to not think so but now... Juliette and I never worked out because they were always meant to be together. If anyone can help her to realize that there is a point in living, in getting better, it's him."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind."  
  
Scott turned towards Peter.  
  
"Is Juliette going to graduate?" Scott asked sincerely.  
  
"I don't know," Peter answered bluntly but truthfully. He honestly didn't know where Juliette stood at this point in time.  
  
"It would be nice," Scott said softly. "All of us leaving together that is."  
  
"I know," Peter replied nodding. "I know."  
  
I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, Writing bad blank verse and searching Endlessly for someone wonderful Who would step out of the darkness And change my life forever. It never crossed my mind That, that person could be me. Anna Quindlen  
  
Juliette sat on the hospital bed, fully dressed, facing the window, awaiting her night in shining armor. Peter was scheduled to arrive in less then five minutes and she couldn't wait. As hard as returning to her normal vigorous schedule at Horizon was going to be she was looking forward to the challenge, even the therapy, as long as it meant getting out of the domineering hospital room.  
  
Juliette looked down at her wrists and sighed, they were bandaged, as were most of her arms. How was she going to explain this one to Auggie.  
  
She was surprised at what Shelby had understood, how Shelby could speak exactly what Juliette had been feeling inside. Shelby had promised she wouldn't tell anyone, not even Scott about what they talked about, not before talking to Juliette first, Juliette just hoped that Shelby had kept her promise.  
  
"Jules?" Peter said quietly peeking his head in the doorway. Juliette turned towards him and smiled.  
  
"Hey, She said softly.  
  
"You ready to get going?" He asked entering the room. Juliette smiled.  
  
"You bet," she said getting up and grabbing her overnight bag from the chair.  
  
"Jules?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You ok?"  
  
"Yeah," She said reluctantly smiling at him, but he saw right through it.  
  
"Juliette..." Peter said stepping towards her. She turned away. Peter sat down on the bed. "Come here," He said patting the seat next to him. For a moment Juliette hesitated but she couldn't resist the look on his face, the vulnerability he was showing her, and the fact that she knew all he wanted to do was help her. She sat down next to him, and focused her eyes on the floor. "Tell me about it."  
  
"I'm scared," Juliette replied looking up. "I'm scared of going back Peter. I'm afraid I'll do it again."  
  
"Juliette, I'm not going to let that happen."  
  
"I know you say that Peter and I know you mean it but I don't know how to control it. My feelings haven't changed. I still feel the same way I did when I got here. Empty, incomplete, and scared."  
  
"The therapy sessions here didn't help?"  
  
"They're doctors Peter, they're not like the people at Horizon, they don't understand, THEY haven't been through it."  
  
"Did you talk to Shelby?"  
  
Juliette looked straight at Peter wide eyed and shocked.  
  
"What do you know about Shelby?" she asked, afraid that Shelby ratted her out in some way.  
  
"I know that you and Shelby have a lot more then a soft spot for Scott in common. And I know that she can help you. She didn't come to me Jules, I went to her, she says she wants to talk."  
  
"She's good yanno? She really knows her stuff. I didn't say much, she really said it all. She understands. She's scared too," Juliette added looking away.  
  
"I know," Peter said agreeing quietly. "And I think the two of you should do something about that. I suggested therapy... together. Not with a therapist but you, and her, and possibly Scott and Auggie. Just so you all can get things out in the open."  
  
"I don't want to tell him Peter. It'll hurt him too bad. Auggie doesn't understand these things. Auggie's different from all of us. Peter I can't tell him right now. And Shelby... I mean it was so long ago. I don't think she wants to tell Scott either. Maybe that isn't such a good idea, and then..."  
  
Peter cut Juliette's babbling off.  
  
"We'll work it out when we get back ok?"  
  
Juliette nodded.  
  
"I'll make things bearable, ok?"  
  
Juliette nodded again. Peter stood and grabbed her bag.  
  
"You ready to go?"  
  
Juliette smiled.  
  
"Yeah, I think so."  
  
Even if me and you never talk again After this night I want you to know that I am forever changed by who you are And what you mean to me. "Chasing Amy"  
  
Scott stopped in front of Shelby's door and took a moment to himself before knocking. He hadn't let Peter know just how bad the letter his father had sent was affecting him. He didn't want anyone to know that his father had, in a way, won. But he was gonna tell Shelby, regardless of whether he was willing to admit it, Shelby would understand.  
  
He lifted his hand to the door and knocked once sharply and then once again, before turning the knob. He wanted to warn her he was there but he didn't have to wait for her to answer. She was expecting him.  
  
Scott walked into the room to find Shelby sprawled out on her bed, sleeping. He smiled at her perfect form. She was beautiful, his angel. The only positive thing that had come out of his father's not wanting him to come back was not that he really was free to move wherever he wanted and he could be with Shelby for the rest of his life. He never thought about any girl like that before, a lifetime together, until he met her and now... well he couldn't imagine ever wanting anything else.  
  
He walked slowly into the room, after realizing that he was in fact just standing there staring, and moved towards her bed.  
  
"Shelby..." Scott whispered sitting next to her. "Shel, wake up."  
  
Shelby let out a slight groan and rolled over to face him.  
  
"Shelby..." he said again, then bent over and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Her eyelids fluttered open with the kiss and she smiled when she saw him.  
  
"Hi," Shelby said sweetly.  
  
"Hey," Scott replied as he brushed a piece of her hair away from her face.  
  
"I fell asleep waiting," Shelby said apologetically as she sat up. "Where were you at lunch?"  
  
Scott sighed.  
  
"That's what I wanted to talk about. Sorry for ditching you but Peter stopped me..."  
  
"Is something wrong?" Shelby asked interrupting Scott mid-sentence. "It's not about the wedding is it? Sophie hasn't said anything to me. Oh my god, is it about me? She doesn't want me to be her maid of honor anymore does she?"  
  
Scott stopped her.  
  
"No Shel, it isn't about the wedding," Oh how he wished it was. "This came to Peter's office today," Scott reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter. He handed it to Shelby and bowed his head as she read it. When he did finally look up he saw a single tear drip down her face.  
  
"How could someone be so mean?" she asked looking up at him. "How could he say these things about his own son."  
  
"It's ok Shel."  
  
"NO Scott. No it's not."  
  
"It's just making things easier for me now."  
  
"Easier how, sure you have money, sure you can find a place to live but this is your FATHER."  
  
"Shelby, it's alright!"  
  
"Well excuse me for caring Scott but I don't have a father, remember? I don't have this pleasure to have a father blow me off like this. This is nuts Scott parents shouldn't treat their kids this way. Especially their ONLY kid."  
  
"Shelby calm down. This is what's best."  
  
"What's best? Scott are you delusional?"  
  
"Why can't you see this from my point of view?"  
  
"Ok Scott, then explain to me why this is a good thing."  
  
"My father doesn't care for me, I don't care for him. It's that simple. I don't need him in my life if all he's going to say and do is going to be negative. I need positive. That's what we spent 3 years in here for right? To learn about what's positive in life. Shelby, he's not positive. Nothing about him and his lifestyle is helping me, especially now that Elaine is back in the picture."  
  
"She's back?"  
  
Scott looked away.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Was she there when you went home?"  
  
Scott nodded.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"Look Shel, I don't wanna fight. I don't need to be fighting with you too."  
  
"I know..." Shelby said nodding. "I'm sorry I just... Scott I'm scared."  
  
Scott wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"I know Shel, I'm sacred too."  
  



	9. Fear

Chapter Nine- Fear  
  
If I shed a tear I won't cage it. I won't fear love. And if I feel a rage I won't deny it, I won't fear love. Sarah McLachlan  
  
Ezra stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her. He was on his way back to his room but for some reason, as he passed their spot on the lake, he turned for a second and that's when he saw her just standing there, perfectly still, looking out at the water. It wasn't unusual or anything, but something about the way she stood there, maybe it was her exact stance, whatever it was, her position told Ezra that he should go over there, check to see if she was ok. So he did and when he got there she pretty much collapsed into his arms crying hysterically. He waited patiently as she just cried, for some sort of explanation. It wasn't until she finally gained some sort of composure that she actually spoke, not really a decipherable sentence but close and after a few choked words he finally did realize what all the fuss was about. He'd almost forgotten, it was the anniversary of her mother's death. Why she had kept it a secret from him for so long he didn't know, but after their conversations the other day about fear and love, he realized why it had been so hard for her to tell him, and he understood. It had just dawned on him that they had plans for that evening and he wondered if she was going to tell him then or just completely ignore the topic, or better yet, maybe she was planning on stiffing him for they're date. Either way it didn't really matter, Daisy was in rough shape.  
  
He practically carried her back to her room where they just sat, on the steps to the dorm, in silence. She was still crying, but not as heavily, as he searched for something to say. He wanted to say something important, comfort her in some way but he couldn't even fathom what he would have wanted someone to say to him had he been in that exact same position, so he didn't say anything at all. He just sat there.  
  
Daisy wanted to scream out at the world but she couldn't even find the words in her. And she didn't want to scare Ezra, in fact she wanted to apologize to him, she just couldn't figure out how to do that either. She didn't want Ezra to have to deal with her when she was like this but of course there he was being absolutely perfect. He didn't say a word, he didn't have to, his actions were enough. He just held her and that made it all better. Well as better as it could be in her current condition. She hated giving in to her emotions, hated letting her mothers memory destroy the control she had over her body, her mind, her soul, but she had no other choice.  
  
When Daisy finally calmed, Ezra looked down at her and smiled and she smiled back for the first time all day.  
  
"I'm here if you need me, yanno?" he said softly. Daisy nodded.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered, so low that if he hadn't been watching her mouth he would have missed it.  
  
"You don't have to thank me Daze, really."  
  
Daisy smiled.  
  
"But I do," she said sweetly. "I thank you for everything." Ezra turned away. Every time she said something like that he just melted. It was pathetic. He didn't need to be pathetic, at least not right now in front of her, especially since he knew she was feeling pretty pathetic herself.  
  
"You wanna talk?" he asked finally looking at her. Daisy shook her head. She wanted to talk but she didn't know what to say.  
  
"Later," She replied still whispering. Ezra smiled at her again and a wave of emotion swept over her. Tears suddenly sprung to her eyes as she made an attempt to smile again but instead started crying. "Hold me?" she asked helplessly. He quickly obliged, wrapping his arms around her, it was the only thing he knew how to do.  
  
Some people are afraid Of what they might find If they try to analyze themselves too much, But you have to crawl into your wounds To discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, The cleansing can begin. Tori Amos  
  
As if walking up the stairs around Ezra and Daisy embracing hadn't been enough to make her wonder what exactly had happened while she was in the hospital, she opened her door to find Auggie asleep on her bed. Things were just getting weirder and weirder for Juliette as she dragged her bag through the doors of the dorm and into her room, towards her bed. She must have been making too much noise as she passed Shelby's bed, she watched to her surprise as Auggie shot up in the bed, a bit surprised that he wasn't the only one in the room anymore.  
  
"Hi!" Juliette said smiling down at him as she sat at the end of the bed.  
  
"I didn't..." Auggie looked over at the clock. "Wow... I must have fallen asleep... you're kinda late."  
  
"Yeah, things at the hospital took a little longer then Peter thought. What are you doing in here?" Juliette asked confused  
  
"Waiting for you," Auggie replied sweetly.  
  
"How did you get in here? Aren't you afraid you're going to get caught? I mean what if Peter came in with me," Juliette spit out in a rush of breath.  
  
"Jules chill," Auggie said smiling at her. "Everything's cool. I have Sophie's permission."  
  
"Oh..." Juliette replied again turning away.  
  
"Yanno Jules, from the way you're taking it almost makes me thing you don't want me here," Auggie stated in mock disappointment. Juliette didn't respond she just turned away. It wasn't that she didn't want him there, she did, more then anything, the thing was she didn't know how to deal with him at that moment. "Jules..." Auggie began again, this time confused. "DO you want me to leave?" he asked this time genuinely hurt. Juliette turned towards him.  
  
"No," she said shaking her head and lying through her teeth. "I'm just tired, that's all."  
  
"You wanna lie down?" he asked moving over on the bed. Juliette nodded.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, let's just lie down," she said quietly as she moved to sit down next to him and let her tired body fall limp as he wrapped his arms around her, leading her to lie down next to him. Juliette immediately closed her eyes as if falling into a deep sleep. But sleep was the farthest things on her mind. Instead, she listened to Auggie as he voiced his concern to her supposedly sleeping form.  
  
"God Juliette... please be okay," Auggie paused taking a deep breath. "You've got to be alright. I need you. I didn't realize how much until I tried living without you and it didn't work. I just couldn't do it. It hurt. It hurt way more then it should, then I ever thought it could... I can't lose you Jules. Please don't hide things from me anymore, please... I love you way too much..."  
  
Juliette felt tears spring to her eyes. She held her breath to stop herself from crying. She was supposed to be sleeping after all. Auggie had really hit home with that one, and she really regretted being so mean to him just a few minutes ago. She decided from that moment on that she was going to tell Auggie the truth. Tell him everything that was wrong and everything that had happened. She just needed to go to group first and then... well then she needed to go talk to Shelby for some guidance.  
  
But I fear, I have nothing to give. I have so much to lose here In this lonely place, Tangled up in our embrace, There's nothing I'd like better then to fall... But I fear, I have nothing to give. Sarah McLachlan  
  
Scott looked over at Shelby and smiled.  
  
"What?" she asked as she felt her face flush.  
  
"Ya know what I was just thinking?" he asked turning towards her with an even bigger grin spread across his face.  
  
"No idea," Shelby replied, shaking her head.  
  
"We're gonna be walking down the isle tomorrow."  
  
Shelby's eyes lit up.  
  
"We are, aren't we?" she asked, the thought finally sinking in. Scott nodded. "I wonder how it's going to feel, like I..." Shelby stopped mid- sentence, her face brightening with embarrassment.  
  
"What?" Scott asked turned to her confused.  
  
"It's just that... yanno I've dreamt of this before... you, me, walking down the isle."  
  
"You have?"  
  
Shelby turned away, even more embarrassed.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Yanno..." Scott said wrapping his arms around her. "I have too."  
  
Shelby looked back at him in shock.  
  
"You have?"  
  
"Yeah," Scott replied a bit embarrassed. "Does that surprise you?"  
  
Shelby smiled.  
  
"Well kinda... I mean... well usually it's the girl that's always having all those kinds of dreams and that stuff. Yanno what, never mind. I'll shut up."  
  
"No, don't stop. What were you going to say?"  
  
"It's nothing, really."  
  
"Come on Shel."  
  
"No, Scott, it's embarrassing," Shelby said turning away as she felt her face flush.  
  
"It's just me Shel," Scott said sweetly. Shelby turned back towards him.  
  
"It's just... I've never thought about, cared about anyone like I do you. And I knew... I mean I know you feel the same way; it's just... well sometimes... sometimes it's nice to be told. I like not having to be the only one, yanno?"  
  
Scott nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I know..." he grabbed her hand and held it in his. "When I look at you Shelby, I see a future, and not just that stuff we were talking about the other day on the mountain but real stuff. Like asking you to marry me, or what it will be like on OUR wedding day. The thing is, you're not just my girlfriend, you're my best friend. I've never been in a relationship like this before. I didn't know it was possible to love someone like I love you... we've been here for three years now yanno. Other then you and Juliette, I've never been in any kind of relationship that involved caring and friendship. I... I've only had sex with one woman before and that was..." Scott's voice trailed off. The topic of Elaine was always so hard for him to talk about.  
  
"It's ok Scott. You don't need to go any further," Shelby said clenching his hand a little tighter.  
  
"No, I wanna get this out. It's got to end here," Scott stopped and took a deep breath, then turned to face Shelby. "When I was home last week she was there Shel..." Scott felt his entire body begin to tense up. "That skank..." he paused. "I took the power away Shel. I finally made it so that she lost her hold on me... she was so evil Shel. So vindictive. She said all of these things about you, about me, about Horizon and yanno what I did. I just walked away. She was in complete shock because I just walked away. Then she started screaming things and... I didn't let it bother me. I just left."  
  
Shelby brought her hand up to Scott's face, caressing it lightly.  
  
"You did good Scott. It's over now."  
  
"It felt so good Shel... it felt SO good to just ignore her. But it also made me think. She stole something from me Shelby. Something I can never get back. She took my love and twisted it, managing to steal my virginity in the process."  
  
"She forced herself on your Scott. She may have taken your virginity, but she didn't get your innocence. Peter once told me that. He said sex is one thing, but making love... that's for someone special. And when the time is right and you do make love to that one special person, that's when you will lose your virginity."  
  
"Peter said that?"  
  
"Yeah, kinda weird huh?"  
  
"Very weird."  
  
"We've both been robbed but I think somehow we can take that back. I mean... do you ever think about us together?"  
  
Scott looked down at Shelby oddly.  
  
"You mean having sex?" he asked.  
  
"No, I mean making love."  
  
Scott smiled.  
  
"Sometimes..." he replied shyly. Shelby made a face. "Ok, ALL the time."  
  
Shelby smiled.  
  
"I think about it. I think about that night when you first came here and you broke up with Juliette, when I tried to seduce you..."  
  
Scott smirked at the though.  
  
"It wasn't right then Scott but now... I think now's right."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah, I mean, don't you?"  
  
"Well yeah but..."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"I'm a guy Shel. We think about that kinda stuff all of the time."  
  
"Well... I mean if we're both ready..."  
  
"You mean you wanna like plan something?"  
  
"Not so much plan... I mean we all know what happens when you plan but..."  
  
"Tomorrow night."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tomorrow night, after the wedding, you and me, we'll meet in the boat house. I'll take care of everything."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"I'm positive. Are you sure?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Then it's settled."  
  



End file.
